


TOW Chandler's Infertility

by beabea



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fertility Issues, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22317526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beabea/pseuds/beabea
Summary: What if it was only Chandler who had fertility issues?
Relationships: Chandler Bing/Monica Geller
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> A little one-shot born from my musings on what would have happened if it was only Chandler who had fertility issues.

The last month had been a nightmare for Chandler, probably as bad as that infamous Thanksgiving when his parents told him they were divorcing. He and Monica had been trying to have a baby since they had gotten married, but after a year of negative pregnancy tests they had decided to have a check up. They had gone to a fertility clinic and had received the results a month ago. Chandler clearly remembers the moment he got that damn call from Doctor Connelly.

He was reading a magazine while on the sofa — waiting for Monica to come back from the laundry room — when the phone rang. He jumped up and quickly answered it. “Hello? Oh hi, Doctor Connelly” he said, smiling. They had been waiting for this call and he couldn’t wait for the results of the tests. He wasn’t to happy having to ‘do it in a cup’, as he had told Monica, but he knew that the test would ease her nerves and make sure there were no problems. So he swallowed his complainers and did what he was told. “No, she's not here but, you know, I can tell her. Should I be sitting down for this?” his smile faded as he heard the answer, “Oh. Well, so what does that mean?” In that moment his world crumbled. He didn’t know what to think or feel, didn’t know how to continue the conversation on the phone. He just wanted it to be a stupid joke, but it wasn’t. “Ok. Ok, thank you. Thanks.” was all he managed to say before hanging up.

Chandler put down the phone and took a big breath, trying to compose himself. _Great job, Chandler. You managed to screw up once again in your life! Way to go._ He thought as he processed Doctor Connelly’s news. Maybe he was too damaged from his childhood and his parents’ separation and this was the world’s way of telling him he would never be a good father, that’s why he couldn’t have children. As much as he wanted to, at the moment he didn’t have the luxury to dwell in self pity because Monica was going to be back soon and he needed to figure out a way to tell her. He needed to break the news that, because of him, her childhood dream would never come true. They would never have a child together. How was he supposed to you break such news? How was he supposed to begin? Chandler knew he couldn’t make jokes, it wasn’t appropriate and it would just frustrate her, but he also knew it was a defense mechanism he had always used and was nowadays part of him. He just needed to keep it simple, straightforward, because no matter how he put this, he knew it would break her heart.

Chandler was deep in thought when Monica walked in and didn’t notice her until she greeted him with a smile and a “Hey sweetie.” He took a deep breath and blurt out “Doctor Connelly just called”, but couldn’t force himself to say anything else. He needed to collect his thoughts and try to sound coherent, he had to be able to explain to her what the matter was. He just wasn’t sure he could do this. “With good news?” Monica very quickly asked while wringing her hands, “Of course it is not good news, you just said ‘Doctor Connelly just called.’ If it was good news you would have said ‘Doctor Connelly just called!’ But so what is it? Is there a problem, uh? Is there a problem with me or with you?” Chandler felt a knot form in his throat, blocking the words from coming out. “It’s me” he basically whispered. “What?” was all Monica could say at the moment. She either wasn’t sure she had heard correctly or she didn’t want to believe it. “Apparently my sperm have low motility“ Chandler clarified. He knew he ought to explain more, but he just couldn’t. In that moment he didn’t feel strong enough and all he wanted to do was to crawl in bed and forget everything or to wake up and realize it was all a bad dream, but the rational part of his brain knew it wasn’t possible because that was his reality now. “Oh... what does that mean?” Monica too didn’t really know how to react. She hoped Chandler was joking, as he alway did, but deep down she knew he would never do something like that; the matter was too delicate to make fun of it and Chandler knew it would hurt her. And she knew he loved her too much to risk it. “It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers. It means...” he was trying and failing to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but Monica’s pained “Chandler?” made him collect himself. After he heard the pain in her voice he became serious and said “It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us.” After those words left his mouth, Monica started weeping and it broke Chandler’s heart. “I'm sorry” was all he could say before hugging her. And they stayed like that for what felt like hours, trying to comfort each other.

After that night everything had gotten a turn for the worst, and now Monica could barely look at him. He knew she needed time to cope with the information, but he couldn’t help the pain he felt in his heart every time she shied away from him. She was distancing herself from him, had started avoiding touching him in any possible way, and that hurt him. A lot. He missed those little moments that helped him go through the tough days and brightened the good ones even more. He missed simply sitting on the oversized chair in their apartment, cuddling while their friends hanged around and talked about their day. He missed their passionate good morning and goodnight kisses that had now become more like pecks on the lips, but he couldn’t do anything. It was his fault they couldn’t have children. With him she couldn’t make her dream come true. Him and his bloody Bing genes.

He couldn’t live like this. He knew she deserved better. She deserved a real man and not his impotent self. No matter how many times his friends told him that it wasn’t his fault, that he couldn’t change how he was born, he knew he had to do something. No matter how much it pained him, he had to solve the problem and he saw only one way to do it. That was the reason why he forced himself to talk to her and why he was home early from work, anxiously waiting for Monica to come back from her grocery shopping.

“Hey, Mon!” Chandler said, standing up from the sofa. “Chandler! What are you doing home early?” Monica asked surprised. “Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, I know it’s been hard for both of us lately, but I think we need to talk. And I ask you to listen to me, because what I have to say is already hard. I just want to get it over with.” He said and simply received a nod in reply. “The day I asked you to marry me, I promised I’d try to make you as happy as you make me feel. And I’ve tried as best as I could, but it’s obvious I won’t ever be good enough. You’ve always wanted to have a baby and I can’t give you one. It kills me to know you’ll never be fully happy with me, and I know it’s killing you too. You’ve been keeping a distance lately and I understand. I don’t blame you at all, after all I’m the broken one, I’m the failure. I’m not man enough to be able to give you what you always dreamed. I’ve been thinking a lot this past weeks, and I think ... I-I just ...” His eyes felt like they were burning, tears were threatening to come down. “God ... I won’t blame you if you want to get a divorce. I-I won’t fight it and I’ll support you, whatever your choice will be. I love you so much and I can’t stand seeing you so broken knowing it’s all my fault.” It took all his strength not to cry and he didn’t look at Monica in the eyes, because he knew that if he did it would break him. After all, she was the best thing that had ever happened in his life and giving her the chance to walk away was, at the same time, the right thing to do and too painful to watch.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will Monica do?

Monica had to admit she was slightly confused when she saw Chandler at home early. He usually never came back early, but rather stayed late as he always had something to finish. So seeing him seated on the sofa when she came back from grocery shopping was not what she expected. However, she knew right away that he had to say something important because he was very nervously rubbing his hands together, something he always did when he felt uneasy. What he then told her was so not what she was expecting.

They were having a hard time, she couldn’t deny it, but she was sure they would find a way to overcome it. It hadn’t been the first time they had a crisis with their relationship, but she knew they loved each other too much to just drift apart. However, she wasn’t now so sure about it. Was this really what Chandler wanted? Did he really think she wouldn’t want to be with him just because he couldn’t give her a child? She had to admit that the idea was still painful, but she had been doing some thinking and had come to the realization that it wasn’t the most important thing. They had talked with Doctor Connelly about their possibilities, and there were plenty. However, they had yet to talk among themselves about it. She was afraid to bring it up because she didn’t want to make him feel more guilty than he already was and wanted to be sure he was comfortable before having the conversation. Monica had also been shy of approaching him for anything sexual as she wasn’t one hundred percent sure about how he was doing.

After telling her about the call and the issue they had now to face, he had comforted her for an hour or so before tucking her in bed and claiming he needed to take a shower and barricading himself in the toilet for God knows how long.  
He had then seemed absent and distant for the next few days, and Monica had decided to avoid putting pressure on him and let him cope however he wanted. What Monica hasn’t taken into consideration was his self-esteem problem, which she thought had gotten better since they got married. Now it was obvious that she was wrong.  
How could he think that she would leave him just because he couldn’t give her a baby? God, he was much more important than her dream to get pregnant, she loved him too much to think that. Chandler was her prince, her soulmate and her friend. 

When he had finished his little speech, all she managed to say was “Chandler, why are you doing this?”  
She really wanted to understand if he had lost his mind.  
“I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this. I know you deserve so much more.” he answered with a confidence he wasn’t really sure he possessed.  
“Chandler” said Monica again, as to encourage him to say more.  
“I'm doing this because I'm sorry? Okay?” answered Chandler, frustrated. Why couldn’t she understand how hard it was? Why couldn’t she just accept it and not play with him?  
“I’m doing this because I can’t live with you while I know that you’re not happy, that you will never be fully happy because I can’t give you a child. And we all know it’s something you’ve always wanted and it would be cruel and selfish of me to force you to stay married when I can’t make you happy.”  
He was crying at this point, because it was painful to do this, and he wasn’t so sure anymore he could live without her.  
“Chandler, have you lost your mind?” Monica asked in disbelief, “How can you believe I would leave you because of this? For God’s sake I married you because I love you, not because I desperately wanted a child. I love you and I’m not going to leave you. I wouldn’t know how to live without you. I’ve become dependent and I need you when I get upset about the little things, because you’re pretty good about making me feel better about that. Do you remember what you told me when the girls said I was high maintenance? Well, I need you here because you are the only one who knows how to maintain me.”  
She went to stand in front of him and placed both hands on each side of his face, gently stroking his cheeks and wiping away his tears.  
“I wanted to give you some space to cope with everything and I’m sorry you thought I was trying to distance you, that I was ashamed of you. Because that’s absolutely not true. I love you more than anything else in the world, and in this past month I’ve come to realize that all that matters to me is us.” And she sweetly kissed him on the lips, a kiss so passionate that Chandler thought he would go weak in the knees. Only the need for air made them stop.  
“I’m sorry I made you think I didn’t want anything to do with you. I should have been a better wife.” Monica said while hugging Chandler.  
“No, Mon. It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I love you so much.” answered Chandler while looking at her directly in the eyes. His hands making small circular movements on her hips.

They remained like that for a couple of minutes, before Monica found the courage to speak up.  
“Look, Chandler, I’ve been thinking for a while about our options, and I’ve come to realise something very important.” she said, “I’ve weighted our options and I think we should adopt. If I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by anyone else. And I don’t care if I’ll never get the chance, because all I want is to have a family with you, because I love you, Chandler Bing.”  
“Really?” asked Chandler with his cute little smile, “Me too. I’ve thought about it and I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.  
"He slowly kissed her lips once again, before looking at her face and saying “I love you, Monica Geller. And I love ... maintaining you.”

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the FRIENDS world. Both Chandler Bing and Monica Geller are characters created and owned by David Crane, Marta Kauffman and Kevin S. Bright, and I do not claim any ownership over them or the world of FRIENDS.


End file.
